Funny Teacher Student Joke
Teacher to student: When were you born?
Student: 14th April
Teacher: Which year?
Student: Every year.
Short Funny Joke
Question: What gives milk but has only one horn?
Answer: A Milk Van
Funny Kid Joke
Kid1: Even the President himself sits with his head bowed in front of my dad.
Kid 2: Wow, what is your dad?
Kid 1: He is a barber.
Silly Joke
Why are goods carried in a ship is called 'Cargo' while goods carried in a car is called 'Shipment'?
Funny Marriage Joke
I have had two unluck marriages. My first wife ran away with another guy. My second wife didnt.
Doctor Joke which is Funny
Doctor: You are on a diet. So eat a single egg and half a cup of milk.
Patient: Before or after lunch doctor?
Funny Joke
Judge: The last time I saw you in the court, I told you that I never ever wanted you to come here again.
Accused: Thats what I told the police your honor, but they didnt listen to me.
Santa Banta Funny Joke
Santa: Why are you carrying the car door on your trip to the desert?
Banta: So that I can pull down the window if it feels hot.
Joke
Who are the only people who listen to both sides during an argument between husband and wife?
The neighbours.
Poor Joke
Why shouldnt you say a secret in a farm?
Because potatoes have eyes, corns have ears and BeanS''talks.
Hilarious Joke
Father-in-Law: Why are you angry with our son-in-law?
Mother-in-Law: I asked him to put a board in front of our house saying 'Beware of Dogs' and instead he put a board saying 'Beware of Hogs'.
Silly Joke
Santa: Why are you searching outside your house while you lost your purse inside your house?
BantA: Because its dark inside.
Dumb Joke
Banta was trying to check his email. He typed:
DoubleUDoubleUDoubleUDotZeeMailDotCom
School Joke
Student 1: I dont understand anything that my professor is teaching us.
Student 2: Thats somewhat better. My professor himself doesnt understand what he is teaching us.
Funniest Joke
Lady 1: Did your husband agree for you to have an abortion?
Lady 2: He is out of town for the past 11 months.
Funny Joke
Thief1: We forgot to count how much cash we stole.
Thief 2: Dont worry, we can find it out in the newspapers tomorrow.
Joke
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved under the chicken depends on its point of reference.
Plato: For the greater good.
Hippocrates: Because there was an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
Spencer Johnson, MD: To find who moved its cheese.
Computer Dumb Joke
Santa: What are you looking for so intensely in the keyboard?
Banta: It says 'Press any key to continue' and I dont see the 'any' key.
Art Joke
Visitor Comment in an Art Gallery:
It was raining outside. That’s why I was here. Thanks for the shelter.
Beggar Joke
Beggar: Actually I am an author. I wrote '100 ways to become rich'
Mr. Roger: Then why are you begging?
Beggar: This is one of the ways to become rich.
Husband and Wife Joke
Mr. Anderson: I am very lucky. When I talk with my wife, she always bows her head.
Mr. Smith: Why?
Mr. Anderson: Because she is taller than me.
Boxer Joke
In a boxing match:
Coach: Why aren’t you blocking the punches?
Boxer: Can’t you see I am blocking all the punches with my face?
Funny Host and Guest Joke
A guest have visited Molly’s house. She gave her a plate of biscuits. Just after that, her dog started to bark at the guest.
Guest: Why is the dog barking at me?
Molly: Actually, it’s his food. Don’t worry, I am holding him. You better finish it quickly.
Drunkards Joke
Two drunken men are talking.
Man 1: I am planning to buy the world.
Man 2: You can’t.
Man 1: Why?
Man 2: I am not going to sell it.
Silly Billy Joke
Oh no! What have you done! Those were antique cup sets. You broke them!!
Thanks God. I thought they were new.
Silly Joke
You promised me to send an electrician to fix the door bell, three days have gone by, and nobody has come.
I did send a guy. But he pushed the bell, nobody opened the door.
Deadly PJ
Pearl is reading a story about elephants. Suddenly she asked her sister,
'Do you know why elephants don’t ride a cycle?'
Jean: 'They doesn’t have thumbs. So it’s impossible to ring the bell for them. Without ringing the bell, it’s really risky for them to drive.'
From the mouth of Kids
Mary: June, do you know why the sky is so high?
June: Yes, Just imagine, if its not so high then what will happen to the birds? They will crash on the sky.
Funny Waiter Joke
Waiter: Sir, my tips please.
Customer: Here you go, one cent.
Waiter: Sir, you are insulting me, please give me at least 2.
Customer: I can’t insult you twice.
Siblings Joke
Ron: If you do something wrong, why your father punish your brother?
Tim: We are twins.
Fun Joke
Oh my! You run to me just because you heard my song?
Who said that? I thought you got hurt somehow.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Short funny jokes
Hilarious one or two line jokes
Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it?
Answer: Lice
Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!
Why shouldn't you hold a DVD upside down?
Because the data might fall down.
Santa to Banta: I don't have an internet connection at home. Can you please copy the internet on this pen drive for me?
Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish?
Answer: Fry Day
Short Jokes
Man 1: My son is not listening to anything I say.
Man 2: Is he so adamnant?
Man 1: No, he is deaf.
What do you call a deeply burnt food item in your lunch that is not recogonizable?
UFO: Unidentified Fried Object.
Girl 1: Oh I am doomed! That's my husband coming with my lover!
Girl 2: I was about to say the same-thing too!
Man to miser: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Miser: I want to extend the battery life and hence I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.
Ponderism:
Before going to sleep you can say Good Night.
But before waking up can you say Good Morning?
The insult
My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital.
She replied: "I certainly hope so".
LOL
Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
Man 1: The time is three past ten.
The well behaved son
Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn't he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.
Funny Patients and Doctors
Doctor to a rich man: Do you prefer a local anesthesia?
Rich man: I would rather prefer an imported one.
A woman went to the Doctor and said "When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw my hair was frizzy, my skin wrinkly, my eyes bloodshot – what is wrong with me?".
The Doctor replied "Well the good news is that your eyesight is fine".
Doctor and Patient
Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.
Wife: The doctor has come to see you.
Husband: Tell him that I am not feeling well and won't be able to see anyone.
Patient to his friend: The nurse in this hospital is really wonderful. She touched me and my fever got cured immediately.
Friend: Yeah, I could hear her touch your cheek in the next room.
Mother in law and the clock
My wife complained the other day that our kitchen clock almost killed her mother.
It fell seconds after where she had been sitting. That darned clock always was slow.
Stale
An elderly married couple were walking in the park the other day and noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, kissing passionately.
The wife asked, "Why don't you do like that man?"
The husband replied, "I don't even know that woman!"
Dumb and Dumber
Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone?
Friend 2: I don't know. I wasn't with her when she was alone.
Doctor's advice
Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in.
Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.
Thieves in the kitchen
Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.
Husband and Wife
My wife always told me that if I wanted breakfast in bed, then I would have to sleep in the kitchen
Husband: Do you know that John who lives next door has two girlfriends unknown to wife.
Wife: Who is the other one?
Silly Amy
Teacher: "Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?"
Student: "No idea miss"
Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy".
Amy: "Bow Wow Wow Miss"
Sick and Silly PJ
Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D"
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
From the mouth of kids
Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn't do.
Mother: That's very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn't do?
Girl: The homework.
Months of the year
Teacher: What is the first month?
Student: January
Teacher: What is the second month?
Student: February
Teacher: What is the tenth month?
Student: Delivery
Employee, Boss and Office
Interviewer: Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
Candidate: Yes I think so, I have worked in 10 different places in the last 3 months.
Employee: I got to have salary increment. Three other companies are after me.
Boss: Really? Which are the three companies?
Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.
My boss walked past my desk and asked me: "Why are you not working?"
I replied "Because I never saw you coming Sir".
One Liners
Good resolutions are like beautiful girls: they are easy to make but hard to keep.
Have you ever wondered why Tarzan never has a beard?
Why do they always use sterilised needles when giving lethal injections?
Knock Knock Max
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just open up and let me in!
Bean soup and the dumb waiter
A man in a hotel: Waiter, there is a dead fly in my bean soup.
Waiter: Oh, the hot soup must have killed it sir.
The funny soup
Customer in a hotel: Waiter, this soup tastes funny!
Waiter: Oh!, the chef must have been laughing when he prepared it sir.
Two men in a bar
Two men were chatting in a bar. One says "Where are you from?".
Second man replies "I come from somewhere where we do not end a sentence with a preposition".
"Alright" says the first man, "Where are you from idiot?"
Lady next door
Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh, not so loud. That's the next door lady's kid.
Man and his son joke
Man 1: My son does not listen to anything that I say.
Man 2: Is he so adamnant?
Man 1: No, he is deaf.
Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it?
Answer: Lice
Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!
Why shouldn't you hold a DVD upside down?
Because the data might fall down.
Santa to Banta: I don't have an internet connection at home. Can you please copy the internet on this pen drive for me?
Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish?
Answer: Fry Day
Short Jokes
Man 1: My son is not listening to anything I say.
Man 2: Is he so adamnant?
Man 1: No, he is deaf.
What do you call a deeply burnt food item in your lunch that is not recogonizable?
UFO: Unidentified Fried Object.
Girl 1: Oh I am doomed! That's my husband coming with my lover!
Girl 2: I was about to say the same-thing too!
Man to miser: Why do you always remove the batteries from the clock and keep them outside?
Miser: I want to extend the battery life and hence I put them in the clock only when I want to see the time.
Ponderism:
Before going to sleep you can say Good Night.
But before waking up can you say Good Morning?
The insult
My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital.
She replied: "I certainly hope so".
LOL
Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
Man 1: The time is three past ten.
The well behaved son
Lady 1: My son is very well behaved.
Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn't he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.
Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.
Funny Patients and Doctors
Doctor to a rich man: Do you prefer a local anesthesia?
Rich man: I would rather prefer an imported one.
A woman went to the Doctor and said "When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw my hair was frizzy, my skin wrinkly, my eyes bloodshot – what is wrong with me?".
The Doctor replied "Well the good news is that your eyesight is fine".
Doctor and Patient
Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.
Wife: The doctor has come to see you.
Husband: Tell him that I am not feeling well and won't be able to see anyone.
Patient to his friend: The nurse in this hospital is really wonderful. She touched me and my fever got cured immediately.
Friend: Yeah, I could hear her touch your cheek in the next room.
Mother in law and the clock
My wife complained the other day that our kitchen clock almost killed her mother.
It fell seconds after where she had been sitting. That darned clock always was slow.
Stale
An elderly married couple were walking in the park the other day and noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, kissing passionately.
The wife asked, "Why don't you do like that man?"
The husband replied, "I don't even know that woman!"
Dumb and Dumber
Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone?
Friend 2: I don't know. I wasn't with her when she was alone.
Doctor's advice
Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in.
Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.
Thieves in the kitchen
Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.
Husband and Wife
My wife always told me that if I wanted breakfast in bed, then I would have to sleep in the kitchen
Husband: Do you know that John who lives next door has two girlfriends unknown to wife.
Wife: Who is the other one?
Silly Amy
Teacher: "Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?"
Student: "No idea miss"
Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy".
Amy: "Bow Wow Wow Miss"
Sick and Silly PJ
Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D"
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
From the mouth of kids
Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn't do.
Mother: That's very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn't do?
Girl: The homework.
Months of the year
Teacher: What is the first month?
Student: January
Teacher: What is the second month?
Student: February
Teacher: What is the tenth month?
Student: Delivery
Employee, Boss and Office
Interviewer: Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
Candidate: Yes I think so, I have worked in 10 different places in the last 3 months.
Employee: I got to have salary increment. Three other companies are after me.
Boss: Really? Which are the three companies?
Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.
My boss walked past my desk and asked me: "Why are you not working?"
I replied "Because I never saw you coming Sir".
One Liners
Good resolutions are like beautiful girls: they are easy to make but hard to keep.
Have you ever wondered why Tarzan never has a beard?
Why do they always use sterilised needles when giving lethal injections?
Knock Knock Max
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just open up and let me in!
Bean soup and the dumb waiter
A man in a hotel: Waiter, there is a dead fly in my bean soup.
Waiter: Oh, the hot soup must have killed it sir.
The funny soup
Customer in a hotel: Waiter, this soup tastes funny!
Waiter: Oh!, the chef must have been laughing when he prepared it sir.
Two men in a bar
Two men were chatting in a bar. One says "Where are you from?".
Second man replies "I come from somewhere where we do not end a sentence with a preposition".
"Alright" says the first man, "Where are you from idiot?"
Lady next door
Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh, not so loud. That's the next door lady's kid.
Man and his son joke
Man 1: My son does not listen to anything that I say.
Man 2: Is he so adamnant?
Man 1: No, he is deaf.
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